500 dollars can be received in cash, cheque, gift card, present or gold. Love has many languages but some of them deliver a message to your spouse’s heart in more powerful way than the other. When Nick comes from work tired all I want is to hear his voice and talk to him about everything. And he does say: “Honey, I work very hard for you and me”, turns away and goes to dreamland for next 30 min. It does not mean he does not love me. Nick gives me a gift of service providing bread for us and I expect verbal currency. In its turn I know that Nick would prefer to sit closely together or hold the hands instead of seeing me cooking or cleaning for him day and night. His currency is physical language. One more thing here, I am grateful for every way Nick expresses love even if it is not my language. I learn to recognize and appreciate every little detail he uses to make our relationship stronger.
When the phase of being “crazy in love” is over it is crucial to communicate in the way your spouse understand and appreciates the most. If a physical touch is precious and you constantly deliver it he will barely will feel there is something missing with the time because his physical love tank is full. Let us identify the channels your spouse might be tuned to awaiting for love.
Affection can be expressed by caresses, eye contact, creative scenarios such as walk on the sea shore, bike riding under the stars, sitting together close to a fireplace, picnics in the mountains. Affection includes being playful and having fun giving a gift of appearance wearing nice dresses, making hair for your spouse, saying: “I love you” in direct, honest, personal, ever-fresh ways. Expressing the words of praise, thankfulness and appreciation for him or her as well as giving beautiful, useful, personal gifts belong to the affection.
Friendship expresses its love language by spending quality time together, doing a task of a common interest and communication through the process. It is not necessarily always recreation. Everyday tasks bonds you together. It is important to show your spouse that time for him or her is your priority. Friendship is shown through loyalty, interest, pride in each other’s work. Take some time to learn more about what projects your spouse is busy at work. Participate in it if there is opportunity. Sharing each other’s mental world is for me personally where fun begins in friendship! It is exciting to studying a subject together, debate over the politics, events, world order, movies, dream, sing songs and read books loud together. The biggest part of friendship is ability to listen and open up to each other. Some people can listen but can’t open up. Trust is built through sharing fears, hurts, weaknesses. It is important to open before your spouse.
Service is found in practical deeds and that is where Nick is the best and there is no one better than him. Whenever I need a watermelon or grapes Nick starts a car to Wholefoods, there are his two hands ready to help me with grocery bags or hug me when I feel hurt. When we first met he grabbed my suitcase and said: “You must get used to me. I am at your disposal all the time. It is my privilege and joy to serve you.” Wow…I lack words here. If you ever find a man similar to Nick expressing his love to you never let him go. It is the ultimate in its beauty and the most skillful language to me, the language of service. Nick is committed to my well-being. He nurtures me constantly and never stops until I flourish. He shows me great respect talking good about me in front of his family and friends giving me confidence he will always stand up for me. He encourages me to grow spiritually and seek friends in Christian community. Every Sunday he drives me to church (of course he attends a sermon himself). It is loyalty and appreciation in its pure form. And frankly speaking, I do not know what can be grater than that. He is willing to change any condition or situation that hinders our relationship. Although such changes are not easy. But Nick can do it because he experienced it himself. He knows the grace of God.
Praying together brings all love languages together. It is the time when you are tenderly affectionate and transparent with each other, lifting your spouse up for blessing. It is a beautiful symphony, harmony that units two people together on invisible but such a powerful level.
Learn about your spouse language, discuss it together including ways to give love daily in the concrete forms and practice it together.