A tender serving authority found in a man and gentle submission in a woman is a path to understanding who you really are. It is similar to putting a broken glasses aside and acquire 100% sight. It frees us from a sinful nature and societal influence. But it is also a painful process, which requires sacrifice and an effort. It is not easy to submit to a person. It is more difficult to do it with love. It takes guts not to leave a person and continue to love. It also takes effort from both sides. In order to be an efficient strong helper as a woman it is important to recognize a man who exercises both serving and leadership. There is no shame, mistrust or anxiety in such relationship. You can not change or control a person. So, pay attention to a person fundamental believes and his actions from the beginning.
Being a strong helper does not mean to lock yourself in a house changing diapers day and night. As well as being a leader does not mean one must eliminate the children’s education or household help from his list of duties. A man should support and encourage a woman’s spiritual, mental, emotional, physical development. She can be a scientist or even a pilot with respect and submission to her husband. And in contrary, it is better not to be a pilot if it hinders your nurturing function. It sounds challenging but on the deeper level you will come to realization that this is the right model of relationship. Work with your spouse on how you will express your behavior. Discuss certain situations if needed. Ask questions and make rules if necessary. The marriages built on the right foundation last forever. It is much safer in general to be in a solid, open relationship than to await a disaster, which inevitably comes from sin.
We have discussed previously that a husband’s role is to be a serving leader and a wife’s role is to be a strong helper. Just by looking at those two titles a person can easily assume that a man rules and a woman abides to all rules, regulations and executes them without hesitance. But it is not so. Here are some guidelines to take into consideration while making a decision:
- A husband does not use his authority to please himself. In fact he is given a power and leadership to serve the interests of his wife. It means that if there is a conflict of interests a wife is heard, loved, appreciated. It does not mean that man always has it his way and makes all decisions exclusively by himself. There is always time and eagerness for discussion and interests of a served person are prioritized.Again, the power is not exploited by a man selfishly. For example, he wants to spend another hour playing a video game while his wife asks him to help her with a child. The decision to stay at the computer just because he wants it and is authorized to do anything would be totally destructive for a family.
- A wife is not merely compliant, she is empowered to be the closest friend and the most trusted advisor in decision making. Both need to hear each other in conversation and have a counsel. In a dialogue two sharpen and enrich each other. A wife should bring her best arguments to the table. If her voice sounds stronger (makes more sense, completes the unknown factors, aligns better with wisdom etc) it is wise to make decision based on it.
- A wife must not submit to her husband unconditionally. Let us say, he is dealing drugs or cheats on her, she must forgive him but get him imprisoned or let him go. A man must obey to God first and if his deeds are unrighteous, unjust, violent, or anything else that on purposefully damages you as a person it is not out of love to permit it to be a norm. It harms both you and your spouse.